In a previous article I talked about how many parents are working against a powerful natural allies, the power of tears to help children accept what does not work in their lives, and be prepared to find a new way forward. In this article I want a strong example of how a parent uses this information to help her daughter to share. The story is written in the words of the mothers, "were in first person, and all names changed to protect the privacy of the family.
"My daughter was stuck in her defenseagainst her tears and vulnerability when she was young. Thanks to the work of Jacqueline's, I got to help, Erin, feel her tears, instead of reacting too hard and lashing out verbally or physically. Last night was a perfect example of where they help to find their grief, they did react angrily to a situation that she did not like.
Erin was sucking the ground, because he's turn. They forget to do the main entrance, and when I reminded her, she snapped. Their behavior was quicklyand worsened by her words, I could tell she was in a bad place. She said things like: "You can never check if Peter vacuum. I hate vacuuming. I will not do it."
In the past I used to be sucked into a power struggle (I recently relapsed, so I had some vivid memories of why I do not want to go there again!). So I came to the side and empathized with their situation. I said things like, "You really do not want to vacuum." I showed her that I understood that they really do notwant to vacuum.
At one point, when she was reluctantly picked up the vacuum, she hurt herself on the metal rod. She cried and cried. I took her in my arms and held her. After a while she calmed down, and then she has finished the work without further complaint. She was loving and happy with me later than at the beginning of her resistance, she was saying things like: "They hate me."
In the midst of tears and carrying on, I was trying to relieve them of some of their work. FortunatelyI know that's one of my main responsibilities as parents, help her to accept limits, so that it is able to adapt to and thrive in the world. So I held her, sympathize with the fact that it is the job, while his company to do that she had to do it.
After a while, Erin came up, took the vacuum and concluded its work without further complaint. Thanks for the information that helped keep me on the course and encourage them to have their tears, rather than make the acquisition and work forthem! "
That was months ago. I am pleased to report that the mother-daughter relationship has improved further and the structure is now much better able to go with the flow, rather than rigid adherence to their preferences. It is a joy, the power of a mother who knows how to maintain their child's tears and help her grow and mature to have been seen.
In another article I will write about the kind of tears that are powerful, for not all tears are the same! Mad cracks ormanipulative tears are not the same results, and more grating on the ears! Think of a child tantruming in a shop, and you know what I mean!
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